Merry Christmas from the Family

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk

At our Christmas party

We were drinkin' champagne punch and

Homemade eggnog

Little sister brought her new boyfriend

He was a Mexican

We didn't know what to think of him

'Til he sang, "Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad"

Brother Ken brought his kids with him

The three from his first wife Lynn

And the two identical twins

From his second wife Mary Nell

Of course he brought his new wife Kaye

Who talks all about A-A

Chain smokin' while the stereo plays

Noel, Noel, the first Noel

Carve the turkey, turn the ball game on

Mix Margaritas when the eggnog's gone

Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store

We need some ice and extension cord

A can of bean dip and some diet Rite

A box of Pampers, some Marlboro Lights

Hallelujah, everybody say cheese

Merry Christmas from the family

Fran and Rita drove from Harlingen

I can't remember how I'm kin to them

But when they tried to plug their motorhome in

They blew our Christmas lights

Cousin David knew just what went wrong

So we all waited out on our front lawn

He threw the breaker and the lights came on

And we sang, "Silent night, silent night, oh Holy night"

Carve the turkey, turn the ball game on

Mix bloody Mary's 'cause we all want one

Send somebody to the Stop 'n' Go

We need some celery and a can of fresh snow

A bag of lemons and some diet Sprite

A box of Midol and some Salem Lights

Hallelujah, everybody say cheese

Merry Christmas from the family

Feliz Navidad