When I Was Born

Sir, when I was born, the nurses laughed hysterically

They'd never seen anything quite like me, apparently

I'll never forget it, I can still hear them joking

One said, "My goodness, what has God been smoking?"

From when I was born, I learned to control my tears

When they carried me home through town, I left a trail of broken mirrors

Yes! When children see me, they scream and run away

You're absolutely right! Halloween's my favorite holiday

I am a monster! I am a mutant! A freak of nature

I've heard all the hateful, ugly nomenclature

Can't you see I'm more than you think?

I've heard it all so many times

Everybody knows I'm so much more than a freak

If you wanna try to hurt me, you better get in line

You just have to say it, I get it, it makes sense

When you have your kind of talent for clever vicious comments

My heart's not even angry, it's just the way it breaks

And don't be so tough on God

Everybody makes mistakes

Yes! One sight of me could make a statue cry!

Yes! When bluebirds land on me, they shit themselves and die!

Whichever way I look at you, can't find a tasteful side

A specimen like you belongs in formaldehyde!

Yes! What you've heard is true, I am not a rumor

I'm living proof that God has a sick sense of humor