The Pot & Kettle

One smokey day in a darkened scullery

Down by the river in a factory town

Where bad things happen and the walls are drippin'

And the ghosts are flittin' frae the cold hard ground

A pot and kettle on the hob were settled

Hissin' their patter so bilious cruel

An awfy matter o' clout and claterin'

Battlin' wits in a hideous duel

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot

And your'e a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains

I've roasted a wealth of exotic things

All torn to ribbons at the hands of kings

Polished copper how I proudly shone

Stealin' the fire of the blazin' sun

Ye've boilt nae mair'n 'em old soup bones

I've boilt the tea for them stately homes

I were rattled like a drum each Hogmanay

Then scrubbed tae the devil on the followin' day

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot

You're a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot

You're a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains

Kettle your metal is a terrible hue

Riddled wi' holes cannae hold your brew

Your lid's all crooked and your sides bashed in

It'll no be long afore you see the bin

Well, Pot, your not so bright as me

Hags old cauldron is all you'd be

You reek o' gruel and you're none too young

Fit for to carry but the peels and dung

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're an old piss bucket

And you're a dented can

But we're neither as black as that roastin' pan

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain (But we're neither as black)

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot

And you're a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot (But we're neither as black)

And you're a shite for brains

But we're neither as black as that roastin' pan

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain (But we're neither as black)

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot (But we're neither as black)

You're a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a lowly villain (But we're neither as black)

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot (But we're neither as black)

You're a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Lids a' rattlin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream (No we're never as)

You're a lowly villain (No we're neither as black)

You're a terrible liar

But we're bother here cookin' on the same old fire (But we're neither as black as that roasting pan)

Guts a' bubblin' belchin' steam

Life ain't nothin' but a fevered dream

You're a chanty pot

You're a shite for brains

But we're both here hangin' on the same old chains...