Those Jeans

Well, I was out at the Long Branch, and I was talkin' to this girl

And every hound dog in the joint was sniffing around her

I was playing it slow and cool, being the gentleman that I am

Well, then this grease ball with long black slicked back hair

Struts right up to her like I wasn't even standing there

He looks her up and down and cocks his eyebrow and he says

Baby, damn

How do you get in those jeans?

Mercy, you looking fine

How do you get in those jeans, baby?

And tell me, how do I?

She looked at him and smiled and said, I thought you'd never ask

He looked at me and said, now that's how that's done son, just like that

I wanted to be mad at him, but to tell you the truth

I was really kinda impressed

He said, you might get slapped nine times out of ten

But there's always one that wants a little B.S. kinda man

So I walked up to the next girl I saw who wasn't wearing a dress

And I leaned in and said

How do you get in those jeans?

Mercy, you looking fine

How do you get in those jeans, baby?

And tell me, how do I?

I sure did

Well, I woke up later in a hospital bed

With a half pound of gauze wrapped around my sore head

Some of my teeth were gone

And I was drinking mashed taters through a straw

You see, uh, turns out the girl that I propositioned had a man

With a chip on his shoulder and a blunt object in his hand

Who proceeded to express his disapproval of the lines that I crossed

Well, they told me I could leave, so I put my clothes back on

I stumbled past the waiting room just minding my own

And then this over nurse night nurse

From out of nowhere comes up to me and she says

Excuse me sir, but um

How do you get in those jeans?

Mercy, you looking fine

How do you get in those jeans, baby?

And tell me, how do I?

Oh, well, um, I guess I did need a ride home

I gotta tell myself it was the right thing to do

Don't judge me