The Spicy Mchaggis Jig

I'll tell you a story, believe me it's true

A tale you'd best hope never happens to you

Old Spicy McHaggis, how he met his fate

You I can save, but for him it's too late

Spicy was big, burly, and strong

His pipes were gigantic and so was his schlong

From city to city, running around

Always looking for chicks over four hundred pounds

One night at the pub a girl caught his eye

Big as a house, just the right size

The broad was enormous, stacked to the hilt

Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt

The piper delivered his best pick-up line

Thought to himself, "This beast is all mine"

The portly young lady could stand for no more

Grabbed his cojones and went for the door

They got to her house and dimmed all the lights

Spicy was in for one hell of a night

He said that he loved her, he'd always be true

"But Mr. McHaggis, I've only just met you"

By now he saw double through his drunken eyes

Neither had looks or appropriate size

He came to his senses, thought to himself

"At this time of night I won't find nothing else"

He took off his shirt, she lifted her skirt

They pulled out his unit and started to flirt

She asked for a glove, he gave her a shove

Had baby McHaggis nine months to-the-day

Spicy, spicy

Spicy, spicy

Spicy, spicy

Spicy, spicy (One hell of a guy)

One night at the pub a girl caught his eye

Big as a house, just the right size

The broad was enormous, stacked to the hilt

Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt

The piper delivered his best pick-up line

Thought to himself, "The beast is all mine"

The portly young lady could stand for no more

Grabbed his cojones and went for the door

Three packs a day, he'll smoke till he dies

Spicy McHaggis, one hell of a guy

I don't know what you all are talking about

And who drank all my beer!?