5 Finger Discount

A walk through the product store and 15 aisles to see

All the pretty, pretty packages staring back at me

Which is my favorite, where is my chance

To remove the product and stick it in my pants?

'Cause I wanna see what's on sale, what's for free

Every time I go to shop, I steal from enemies

Who steals from me, and from you

If only you knew, then you would steal too

Adrenaline rushes, the products in my grip

I am only shopping, but now it's time to lift

I look for my moment, and down my pants I stick

The product I've selected is concealed against my dick

'Cause I wanna see what's on sale, what's for free

Every time I go to shop, I steal from enemies

Who steals from me, and from you

If only you knew, then you would steal too

Paranoid as fuck, security in tow

Is he really trailing me, and does he really know

Of my little secret, my pride and his shame?

This is so exciting, kid, it's like a fucking game

I'm almost to the counter, will I make it to the door

Will I get away like a million times before

Or will I be caught, jailed, banned from the store?

Like if the product I've selected slips and crashes to the floor

Five-finger discount!

And I wanna see what's on sale, what's for free

Every time I go to shop, I steal from enemies

Who steals from me, and from you

If only you knew, then you would steal too

Paranoid as fuck, security in tow

Is he really trailing me, and does he really know

Of my little secret, my pride and his shame?

This is so exciting, kid, it's like a fucking game

I'm almost to the counter, will I make it to the door

Will I get away like a million times before?

Or will I be caught, jailed, banned from the store?

Like if the product I've selected slips and crashes to the floor

I get to the door and out the door I slide

I feel a sense of dignity, I feel a sense of pride

I do a happy dance and down the street I bail

As I have a little feast of what's on sale