Are You Proud of Me

This one of those beats that I could get lost in

And talk about how this life is exhausting

Or how I'm afraid of falling

Distanced myself so I haven't been calling often

Part of me keeps telling myself it's just a precaution

But it's just the way of life until loved ones end up in coffins

I learned this lesson, I learned this lesson

That's why my mind is racing, I'm stuck here watching this walls spin

It's hard to go hard when my heart is softened

Your life was taken and mine was spared

What would it be like if you was still here and I was there?

How would I act if God was to tell me my time is near?

Only guarantee in life is death so I'm kind of scared

To be honest with you

I ain't making the best decisions

Not every move I'm making is made with the best intentions

And yeah I'm far from perfect but I'm tired of overusing that excuse

Who am I to complain when most of my time is misused?

So I wonder

Crazy thing about stars is they don't shine until they die

Crazy how people go before you get to say goodbye

Crazy how you could look at a person right in their eyes

And not even know that next week you be asking yourself why

As you stand over a casket, questioning what's real

Cause you can't believe what just happened

This all just seemed way too drastic

I mean, I know it's life and everything ain't always gucci

But dawg, this feel like something

That's straight up out of a movie, forreal

And I'm sick of wishing and hoping

I feel like as of late I'm just going through all the motions

How selfish of me trying to be more than a waste of life

This for my uncle locked up in the pin and facing life

I miss you and wish that you could be here to see this

Even if it doesn't touch the ears it reaches

Just know, no matter what I'm gon be great because I have to

If I wrote that letter I was supposed to I would've asked you

Some days I look in the mirror and gotta I ask myself

I'm still learning

Some days I look at the sky and can't help but wonder

Gotta make ya proud