Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw

It's a quarter!

Mama ain't got no money

Hey, Mama, where'd this money come from?

Leave her be! Don't get her goin'!

If she wanted to tell you, she'd have told you

Do you know what happens to children who snoop?

What?

Once there was a boy who asked his mama

One too many questions and he died

He died (Aw, shut up)

He did!

For truth?

For truth

Once upon a time in a shack by a lake

Lived a boy and his mama so broke, they break

Ugliest child that you ever saw

Named Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw

Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw

Didn't have a penny

No, he didn't have any

So he ask his mom

Old Lady Coleslaw

"Ma, I'm broke"

And "Ma, I'm glum"

And "Glory, hallelujah to kingdom come"

Ma reached in her pocket and she give him some

Look here, Roosevelt, see here, Ro'

I got a penny (no, Mama, no)

I've got some nickel (won't buy a pickle)

(That's no go, you're way too slow)

I got a dime (now that's a crime)

How 'bout a quarter? (Well, that's a starter)

I got two (Mama, I love you)

Got three quarters to be spent

Pretty Mama Coleslaw, seventy-five cent

Caroline shows each silver quarter to her kids

She's a divorcee

"Thank God, we can eat now

Thanks to poor crazy Noah

Who's just a stoopnagle

Can't hang on to a quarter"

But at least now at supper

They talk about me

Sweet ole Mrs. Coleslaw

She say, "Roosevelt, Roosevelt

Have you a time

Spend a little money at the five and dime"

But Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw

He born dumb to say

"Mama, oh, Mama

Where this change come from?

Mama, oh Mama

Where this change come from?"

Mama went wild

"I earned it, child!"

Then she whacked him and she smacked him

Upside his head

But she hit too hard and the child dropped dead

And he sprouted wings and he flew up to heaven

And heaven looked like the 7-Eleven

And all the stars of heaven

They was pennies and dimes

Red Hot (Sweet Tart)

Lemons and limes

Moon pie, food dye, Tootsie Pop

Popcorn, squirt gun, sticky bun

Silly putty, Nutty Butter

Sixty-four colors in the Crayola pack (pack, pack)

Birdcall, slap paddle, tinkywinks

Skip rope, licorice, pick-up sticks

Magic tricks, Lego bricks, pirate hooks

And comic books

Comic books!

Superman, Batman, Aquaman and Iron Man

Spiderman, X-Men, Daredevil, Doctor Strange

And Wonder Woman! Diana!

Princess of the Amazons

Magical lariat, golden tiara

Bulletproof bracelets, lipstick and mascara

Stronger than anyone

Six times as pretty

An eagle brassiere with a wing on each titty

Wing on each titty

Wing on each titty

Titty titty titty titty, titty titty titty titty

They talk about how my mama died

They talk about my tragedy

They wish that they could take me in

And I could live with Caroline

And Emmie, Jackie, Larry, Joe

Emmie, Jackie, Larry, Joe

Each evening I could up and go

Home to be a Thibodeaux

Emmie, Jackie, Larry, Joe

And Noah

Noah Thibodeaux

Oh, she did it

She did it

She killed her kid

Oh, Mama

Oh Mama

See what you did

R.I.P

She found him dead

His mean old ma

She screamed, "Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw!

Oh, my child

My darling son

Your time on earth is gone and done

And you are lost and gone before"

But Roosevelt

An angel now

He bought out the store

And he still got nickels and dimes galore

His mama cried

He gone too soon

But Roosevelt is sitting 'longside of the moon

And he says "Miss Moon

Will you be my missus?"

I might

You sweet

But you gotta be rich

I'm rich

I'm rich

Will you give me kisses?

I will, sweet pea

Indeed I shall

I'll be your lovely little looney gal

'Cause you are sweet

And you are rich

So they went up to God

And they got hitched

And I will wax

And I will wane

I'll turn your brain into green moon cheese

I'll do every first thing that I please

I'll be your honey

And I'll spend all your money

But I'll shine so bright

I'll be your delight

And I'll grow full

And I'll grow fat

And you'll say to yourself

Now how about that?

How about that?

And that's the last that anyone saw

Of Roosevelt Petrucius Coleslaw

He popped his wings and he flew away

And said goodbye to heaven and to JFK

And he's flying through space to this very day

Counting all the stars in the Milky Way

Count so high he's a millionaire

And he doesn't have a care

And now every morning (ching ching ching ching)

Day after day (ching, ching, ching, ching)

There's change in his pockets (ching, ching, ching)

Quarters, pennies (ching-a-ling)

He's leavin' them there (ching ching ching ching)

And I am mean (a penny for Rosie and off he go)

And I am tough (a nickel, a quarter, he got some dough)

But thirty dollars (rise in the skies and look below)

Ain't enough

And say, "I'm a-gonna buy me

The sky

Didn't have a penny, yeah (thirty dollars)

But now I got plenty

So I say goodbye

No, Mama, don't cry if I'm broke (thirty dollars ain't right)

If I'm glum (ain't decent)

Glory hallelujah to kingdom come"

Change in his pocket just lying there

I reach in my pocket and I find me some

For free

I'm free as the air