There's Alot Going On

Everything's changin' around me

These days don't feel the same

We all lost faith and lost family

Why must we play this game?

Lord, have mercy on me

I been a sinnin' man

Pull out my wings, jump off the bridge, and crash in a plane

If I never land

No, I never die

We live forever in my mind

And I sanctify

We live forever, still that life

There's a lot goin' on, but I stick to the ones I love

I never claimed to be a perfect man, but name a great man who was

Consequences of my actions in the past years had me stressin' out

It was like May, I just moved to L.A., I was tryna figure it out

Medication for depression that I cut cold turkey had the kid manic

In an episode out in Hollywood, wilin' out like Nick Cannon

Railin' Adderall pills out a dollar bill on the bathroom floor

Clean the whole mess up with my nose

What the fuck I need a vacuum for?

New York City on my birthday,  June 6th, 2014

I had that first meeting with Hov, plus, I brought out the whole team

I drank that whole bottle of D'ussé Ty Ty gave me that night

When we left the club back to Rap Genius house

Me and shorty got into a fight

She came out the room swingin', hit me in the jaw

I was really tryna fend her off

But I ended up in the closet with my hands around her neck

I was trippin', dawg

Too proud to apologize or empathize, I blamed it all on her

Sayin' that she hit me first, even though she was the one hurt

I was really just reflectin' all the hurt

That I was feelin' from the band's rejection

When Kids These Days split, that shit felt like a C-section

And my infidelity and jealousy with Natalie

On top of the amphetamines and the ecstasy

Had me tryna drown facedown in the Chesapeake

The next month, I dropped "Down on My Luck"

And had Europe goin' nuts

But I couldn't even appreciate it at the time

I was goin' through too much

Now I had to leverage million-dollar label deals

On the table for my records

In Ibiza, eating paella on the roof, tryna choose over breakfast

Hov wasn't with the biddin' war, but I knew the Roc just felt right

When I saw Kanye at Wireless, without T-Pain, still a good life

Felt so close when Mr. Hudson introduced me to him backstage

He probably don't even remember that shit, like a bitch off Backpage

But at that stage, I was ready to swing for the fence like a batting cage

At the same time, I was windin' down, a low point in my addict phase

The Adderall started wearin' off, and I went into a deep writer's block

All over a song that I couldn't finish that I wrote about signin' to the Roc

Isn't that ironic? I was feelin' so psychotic

Wit' the whole world excited for me, and my idols sayin' I got it

Shit got bad out in L.A., so I moved back home to my mom's basement

Linked up with Smoko and Papi Beatz and took it back to basics

Then I wrote "Rage", that was me screamin' out through the pain

And "U Mad", addressin' my relationship with Natalie, it was too bad

The violence and the lies slipped suicide into my mental health

I did acid in the studio one day and almost killed myself

As I started to fall apart, certain stars started to align

Om'Mas came to Chicago in January at the perfect time

He said Kanye was workin' on a album

And Uzi played him one of our songs

He was tryna fly me out, ****, it was goin' down like the Dow Jones

Pulled up to Westlake, first day I was there, I recorded "Wolves"

I knew I was the one, like Neo meetin' with the Oracle

But I had to get a handle 'fore the door was pulled

Crawled out on SNL

All the **** hatin' on me back home lookin' at me like "FML"

A lot of people comin' out the wood like "Let's work", tryna network

All the pressure makin' my head hurt

The Molly wouldn't let the meds work

At this time, it's like Feb' first to the fifteenth, and I'm still addicted

Frustrated, writin' shit for Ye, tryna visualize someone else's vision

Then he laid that verse on "U Mad" and we made that shit the single

Ye and Hov gettin' into it over me, tryna do a joint venture

And GOOD music still fam, but it's that Roc Boy, SaveMoney life

Took the bus out on the road for the Traffic tour, did a hundred nights

Cleaned out my closet, I got rid of all of my demons

If you learn one thing from my journey, ****, it's, "Don't stop believin'"

When this shit got so suffocatin' I could barely even keep breathin'

Wrote my wrongs all in this song

Now I'd like to welcome y'all to my season

****, I'm gone

No, I never die

We live forever in my mind

And I sanctify

We live forever, still that life