My Perfect Cousin

Now, I've a cousin called Kevin

He's sure to go to Heaven

Always spotless, clean and neat

As smooth as you'll get 'em

He's got a fur lines sheepskin jacket

My ma said they cost a packet

But she won't even let me explain

That me and Kevin we're just not the same

Oh, my perfect cousin

What I like to do, he doesn't

He's his family's pride and joy

His mother's little golden boy

He's got a degree in economics

Maths, physics and bionics

He thinks that I'm a cabbage

'Cause I hate university challenge

Even at the age of ten

Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then

He always beat me at Subbuteo

'Cause he flicked a kick

And I didn't know

Oh, my perfect cousin

What I like to do, he doesn't

He's his family's pride and joy

His mother's little golden boy

His mother bought him a synthesizer

Got the Human League into advise her

Now, he's making lots of noise

Playing along with the art school boys

Girls try to attract his attention

But what a shame, it's in vain, total rejection

He will never be left on the shelf

'Cause Kevin, he's in love with himself

Oh, my perfect cousin

What I like to do, he doesn't

He's his family's pride and joy

His mother's little golden boy