Offended

You claimed if you get knocked by the cops

You'll give 'em not even a statement

Walk in the arraignment, shoot the bailiff

Karate kick the plaintiff

Gotti with the stainless

I'll just call it shotty entertainment

If y'all was in the party gettin' faded on molly

Had the audience sedated

You wouldn't catch a body if it fainted

Probably let it fall and hit the pavement

But you'd be the first lobbyin' to claim it

Bitch, stop bein' a lame

Your hobby isn't robbery and dismemberin' body limbs

Like you was Tommy Lynn Sells

And chainsawing them in the basement

Hardly fits your job description

Ain't nobody dippin' out the back of the club like, "Oh my God, he's trippin'!"

Only time you get the blade is probably with the dang lawn equipment, ain't it?

Wouldn't take a bobby pin and wave it

I need to stop bein' debated

You're still copyin', Xeroxing, I'm still copping a feel

Like Bill Cosby at will, popping a pill

Then spill Oxy's in Jill's coffee

Then send her out to the hotel lobby

A lil' wobbly and still groggy

This blonde fuck's reprehensible misconducts, never sensible

Kiss my butt, my set of principles is gone

But till I get the President to respond

My pen and pencil is a missile launcher

And send it to Mitch McConnell

Just as big of a bitch as Donald

Shit's on, bruh!

Let me sing this shit soprano while I do it pizzicato

Ivanka, stiff arm her

While I'm hittin' on Melania

And this song's for all ya!

'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me

They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended!)

And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt

But I'ma make you eat your words (I hope you offended!)

You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up

'Cause you're only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended!)

'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up

Till everybody eats my turds

These drums and hard snares bring out the worst in me

Like Justin Ross Harris at a nursery

Goin' ham and candy yam on nanny cam

I'm gettin' handys with the zanny Xannys in the Caddy armrest

I'm imagining objects, so I'm batting cobwebs

From a daddy longleg

And Hamtramck, got the panoramic cameras

Xanax, a banana hammock, and a Santa hat

I'm smellin' like a damn mechanic

With a chick that looks like Janet Jackson with a Spanish accent

Twice your age and I'm actin' half it

Grow up? Nah

Not that I know of, y'all

Basement just got a frickin' overhaul, got a stripper pole installed

Started rollin' all through those Klono-pins like a bowlin' ball

Like an overdose on twice the ratio of Propofol

And go through no withdrawal while I get fellatio

And give a facial to an interracial blow-up doll of Rachel Dolezal

You're so appalled, so is my manager

Bitch, I 'amateur', fuck a pro career

Coast is clear, but nowhere to go from here

And nobody's close, so don't compare

There ain't nowhere near, I'm way over here

My competition can't see me

'Cause I don't own a mirror!

But Marshall, you are terrific, so smart and gifted

I'm so narcissistic, when I fart, I sniff it

Do a fake dab to smell my armpits with it

Your anxiety's throwin' gang signs

But I made strides with these rape lines

I'm cuttin' back on women hate crimes

Like Ray Rice when he FaceTimes

Bang, bang, bang, bang time

Dang knives to butcher them gay wives

You're gonna need sutures the same size

As the blade I push into kaputt ya when I

Pull 'em like sleigh rides

Gotta stab a bitch at least eight times

To make it on Dateline

I came to stake my claim like a canine

Waitin' in a buffet line

So Kellyanne Conway, I'm a really bad hombre

Come play, belly dance on me

I've been making wedding plans all day

'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me

They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended!)

And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt

But I'ma make you eat your words (I hope you offended!)

You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up

'Cause you're only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended!)

'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up

Till everybody eats my turds

Eight year old with the wordplay

Girl, take this pole like a survey

Today wasn't my birthday

But I'm caked up like a dessert tray

So we're in shape

'Cause you're in a slurrin' state

I'm a ten, you're an eight

Like what I do before, after, and during rape

You wanna get into a pissin' contest and find out who's better?

And they made a fool out of what I pulled out him

R. Kelly with a full bladder

Non-high school grad, I'm not a scholar

But I'm so cold, when I'm droppin' out with my degrees

Is the same as I got in college (Zero)

But nobody's hotter, you owe me my respect

I owe you nada like Lodi partner, blow me

Told you I'm so dirty, homie, you can throw me in some holy water

With some floaties on

And get the soap and try to get the Pope to hold me

While you hose me off, and nope, I won't be washed

You hope to God I don't explode, I gotta blow this spot up though

I got a lotta mo'

I won't put the sugar coating on it though

'Cause sometimes you can feel like your energy's expired

Rap's got you drained, dead tired, zapped

You feel like a wet pile of crap

But look, man, like the feds buggin' my phone (Uh huh)

I get why you're tapped

But you gotta get your fire back

Catch fire, get upset and fire back

It's what I tell myself

When times get bad

'Cause sometimes, I might get sad

But I take the same advice I had

And tell myself like I used to tell Hailie, when life's a drag

Told her to do like her dad, don't cry, get mad

'Cause little baby powders belong in diaper bags

I'm hyper, by the time you see this side of me

I'm right in your ass

'Fore the pen, I stood up for the kid

Who had to put up with the bullies at his school (At his school)

You ain't have to have no money

Or go shoppin' just to cop a fuckin' attitude (Attitude)

Now my dough's amountin' to a mountain

It's rised too high to count it

Never asked to be rich

All I did was wish I had a dime for every time that I was doubted

But then I think about it and I'm enraged

'Cause I just figured out that if I was paid

For the time I spent to put the pen to the page

It'd be minimum wage

But it's embedded in my head, I never hunted for the bread and butter

What I wanted was to be the one that they was scared of

But I'm never gonna get the credit for the sweat and blood I put up in the pen

And when I'm dead, I wonder, will they put me on a pedestal?

Or forget I was ever this incredible?

I guess I better go harder than ever

'Cause I'll never get another motherfuckin' opportunity again

To offend as many people, with this I can, simply because I can

'Cause nobody likes me, everybody hates me

They want me to go eat some worms (I hope you offended!)

And drag my name through the mud, through the dirt

But I'ma make you eat your words (I hope you offended!)

You can try to hold me down, but you better let me up

'Cause you're only gonna make things worse (I hope you offended!)

'Cause I swear when I get up I'm never gonna let up

Till everybody eats my turds