Poor Unfortunate Souls

My dear, sweet child

It's what I live for

To help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself

Poor souls with no one else to turn to

I admit that in the past, I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

True? Yes

And I fortunately know a little magic

It's a talent that I always have possessed

And here lately, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf

Of the miserable, lonely, and depressed

Pathetic

Poor unfortunate souls

In pain, in need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do I help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad, so true

They come flocking to my cauldron

Crying, "Spells, Ursula, please!"

And I help them

Yes, I do

Now it's happened once or twice

Someone couldn't pay the price

And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals

Yes, I've had the odd complaint

But on the whole, I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls

Here's my best offer

Babykins, I know a spell that will turn you into a human for three days

Now, it's got a procedural clause

Sort of a 'squid pro quo'

Before the sun sets on the third day

You've got to get dear ol' princey to kiss you

If you do, you'll stay human forever

And if I don't?

Nothing drastic, darling, I'm sure

Oh, look, small print

"Your soul is mine forever, and you're doomed to spend eternity in my watery, hell-soaked lair"

Lawyers! Don't you just love 'em?

Of course, there is one more thing

My fee

But, I don't have anything

I'm not askin' for much, only...

Your voice

My voice?

But if I give away my voice, how can I ever...

You'll have your looks, your pretty face

And don't underestimate the power of body language

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber

They think a girl that gossips is a bore

Yes, on land it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word

And after all dear what is idle prattle for?

Come on!

They're not all that impressed with conversation

True gentlemen avoid it when they can

But they don't and swoon and fawn

On a lady who's withdrawn

It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man

Come on you poor unfortunate soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice

I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

Just your voice

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad but true

If you wanna cross a bridge

My sweet, you gotta pay the toll

Take a gulp and take a breath

Go ahead and sign the scroll

Flotsam, Jetsam, now I got her, boys

The boss is on a roll!

You poor unfortunate soul!

Beluga, sevruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea

Larynxes, glaucitis, ad max laryngitis, la voce to me

Now, sing! Sing your voice over to me!

Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

Sing and keep singing!

Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

Ah-ah-ah

Now swim, swim, swim!

Swim for your life, human child!