Slap & Tickle

She was frigid like a Bible, when she met her boyfriend Michael

He took her in his Zephyr, they sat like salt and pepper

Looking out across the city from Lover's Leap is pretty

The lights, they flick and flutter, he told her how he loved her

Next night, he called for her, but Dad protected daughter

And told him she was poorly, a lie was told there surely

So Michael felt rejected, this wasn't quite expected

He drove off to his local where he felt anti-social

She cried all night at missing the boy she could be kissing

While he was falling over, he drunk himself back sober

And went home in a taxi, and crashed out in the back seat

He slept just like a baby, which he hadn't done just lately

He saw her in the morning out with his sister, Pauline

She felt all shy and soppy, he acted cool and cocky

He said, "Tonight at Charlie's, there's gonna be a party"

"I'll meet you at half seven," she visualized the heaven

If you ever change your mind

Which you do from time to time

Never chew a pickle with a little slap and tickle

You have to throw the stone to get the pool to ripple

That night, they danced together, it looked like love forever

He put his hand on her leg, you should've heard what she said

He tried again much later, it seemed to aggravate her

He drove home in silence, avoiding all violence

She said, "Let's watch the city from Lover's Leap, it's pretty"

"I think I need the fresh air," she put a comb through her hair

Then while she turned to kiss him, and very nearly missed him

And put her hand on his leg, he felt her tongue in his head

If you ever change your mind

Which you do from time to time

Never chew a pickle with a little slap and tickle

You have to throw the stone to get the pool to ripple