Dear Mom

Joshua Lynch: My mother used to tell me that I had to have a talent Since every single word I said would leave me unbalanced And so I gave it a look, found out I can't write a book She offered entrepreneurship, but my head quickly shook I tried to play music live, but couldn't move from the mic I had the shittiest presence, and bands that didn't work right I studied harder in school, since I heard smart became cool And had a mental fucking breakdown when the stress took its rule I found I can't fucking dance, and Yes, I gave it a chance But all I ever really got was embarrassed in front of class I can't sing, I can't film I have no future with them Which really fucking sucks because thats why I lost friends Ever since I was young, the stage was where I belong But spotlights all are blinding and people don't sing along They hear the instrumentation and automatically fixate But I start to speak the lyrics and they all dissipate Dear Mom, I hope to God you're proud I may not be perfect, but at least I'm still around Dear mom, I hope I don't make you frown Know with every life I "save" I only ever feel more down I won't be like my brother, I say with no true offence But with every passing day these feelings get more intense And I've been snapping a lot, yelling for reasons forgot Getting angry at myself for all these negative thoughts I'm a disgrace of a writer, since I'm just writing my brain The only problem is that every fucking song is the same Count lines until I complain, or try and give out the blame And make a couple comments saying that I'm not feeling sane So now my heads on the track, praying to God it's a dream Since if this isn't really dreaming, I'll be finally free I hear the train in the distance, and so I take in a breath Never knowing if it's going to be the last one I get I close my eyes and I smile, clench up fists for a while Dressed from slacks to a tie, make sure I go out in style I hear the scream of the train, it's coming quickly my way Until the driver blows the whistle barely twelve feet away Dear Mom, I hope to God you're proud I may not be perfect, but at least I'm still around Dear mom, I hope I don't make you frown Know with every life I "save" I only feel more down I wake up and I was right, guess I was dreaming again Kind of sad I didn't seriously come to an end But I just get out of bed, still can't get out of my head I have this feeling something terrible will happen instead I skipped school for three days, for me my friends all pray But it seems God's plan will go the opposite way I'm looking back at my life, the 15 years of this strife While I think about my failures, can I get through the night I tried attending a church, that only made it all worse Because people there all looked at me like I had a curse I'm hoping you can forgive me, since this shit honestly hurts But in looking for myself I seemed to drain my self worth You did the best that you could, I know you only want good Sadly never have I felt the way I probably should Don't think I didn't give thought, Or that I simply forgot Since I ran out of energy being something I'm not Dear Mom, I hope to God you're proud I may not be perfect, but at least I'm still around Dear mom, I hope I don't make you frown Know with every life I "save" I only feel more down Hey, sorry, I was sleeping so I missed your call. Is everything alright? Fine... Well, Not fine... Lots of pills... Oh god, Michael, please tell me this is a joke or something No... You're going to be alright, go tell your mother to take you to the hospital, please, they will be able to help you more than I can. Everything will be okay, please, just go get some help. I promise I'll stay on the phone with you if you want, for however long you want