Dearly Departed

Spiders in the corners of my rooms, it used to scare me Nothin but wheat bread and powdered milk up in the pantry Thought it was the worst but now I'm thinkin it prepared me Always keep it pushin for the ones who dont understand me I was lost child Coulda dyed me as any color Open to the world, before I knew better, I knew sufferin When I look back at what I seen, shit disgustin Didn't understand what I witnessed, had to let it buffer Innocence of my siblings was taken by older brother While you doin chores, dont peek behind barricaded doors Next childhood stolen was yours Papa sittin blindfully behind his liqour bottle while it pours Handin us another beatin while he keepin scores Still aint know up til this day wether he had remorse Mama always workin cant be there fa us while we at home As time passed we lost our connection like broken phones It's been over 10 years later im reflectin who I is Lookin back like where did I miss, what do I miss Would younger me look up to me now seein how I live Would younger me forgive da new me for da things I did Can new me look back and move on from the shit I seen Is new me too cold to be open and let it bleed Errything taught me ignorance, somethin I really needed Thas church, ion got no religion that I believe Poverty taught me how to go hustle until I eat Broken hearts taught me never to wear it upon my sleeve Fake friends taught me the closest ones gon decieve And dis street shit taught me revenge is better than grief Sometimes I wanna ask god how could he let me shed tears Or why I've been to four funerals in the last two years Or why dis bottle my only friend when I need my peers For years, only thing made me happy was sayin cheers I'm in a lonely hearts club at the helm of a magic bullet, Aes More like I take seven shots and then let da bullet chase Why I'm still winnin, It's more or less how I'm savin face Eatin stale dinners, so more or less I aint sayin grace Movin at a change of pace lately Heart colder, mind darker, hard to say baby Trust broken, cut throatin, part of me stay crazy Soul hurtin, dearly departed, why save me Feel like I'm a sociopath, I don't love right Partially cus since I was a kid, I wasnt loved right Grew up way too fast I was a youngin in the mud life Self reflection almost make me miss my fear of bugs like Spiders in the corners of my rooms it used to scare me Nothin but wheat bread and powdered milk up inna pantry Thought it was da worst but now I know it all prepared me Imma keep it pushin wit hopes u could understand me So I hope you could understand me Hope you can understand me So I hope yall could understand me Ugh Yall got my soul