Dick in My Nightstand

Where does the time go? Thanks for the nachos and two-for-one tacos Good thing tequila does what it does I didn't catch feelings, but I caught a buzz Yeah, I see you talking, I'm over here smiling 'Cause I'm fantasizing about riding my Chevy off into the sun As soon as this bowl of guacamole is gone 'Cause there's something better waiting at home I got a dick in my nightstand I can use with my left hand When I'm alone, it always treats me right Never too tired on a Friday night Some girls just want a good man with a good job and a good plan Picket fence with a little white house on a hill with some nice land But me, I got a dick in my nightstand, ooh yeah All of my friends think that I need affection But I found perfection It doesn't talk when I'm trying to read It doesn't poke me when I'm trying to sleep I got a dick in my nightstand I can use with my left hand When I'm alone, it always treats me right Never too tired on a Friday night Some girls just want a good man with a good job and a good plan Picket fence with a little white house on a hill with some nice land Me, I got a dick in my nightstand It doesn't get mad at me When I wanna watch Grey's Anatomy It won't piss on the toilet seat Or drag me to an Applebee's I got a dick in my nightstand I can use with my left hand When I'm alone, it always treats me right Never too tired on a Friday night Some girls just want a good man with a good job and a good plan Picket fence with a little white house on a hill with some nice land Oh, but me, I got a dick in my nightstand You know I do I see you talking, I'm over here smiling 'Cause I'm fantasizing about riding my Chevy off into the sun As soon as this bowl of guacamole is gone Dammit, the batteries are dead