I Wrote The Book

When it comes to hitchin' the boat up

Backin' down the ramp in my old truck

To find a bunch of logs, to catch a bunch of hogs

Yeah, I wrote the book, yeah, I wrote the book

If you wanna learn to throw a curve right

Catch a clean up lookin' on a third strike

Talk a little smack while he's walkin' back

Yeah, I wrote the book

But there's one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand

One that says don't cuss and don't fight

Or let the bottle turn you into a different man

But damn if I don't do it every Friday night

Those get you into Heaven letters in red

Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line

I'm a Jack of all trades, but man, I gotta say

That's one book I didn't write

I met a good girl, she had her life straight

She said she loved that I was good at everything

One day she left me in a cloud of dust

'Cause I never was too good at pickin' up

The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand

One that says don't cuss and don't fight

Or let the bottle turn you into a different man

But damn if I don't do it every Friday night

Those get you into Heaven letters in red

Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line

I'm a Jack of all trades, but man, I gotta say

That's one book I didn't write

Yeah, the good Lord knows I need it

I didn't write it, but I probably oughta read it

The one that lays by the lamp on the nightstand

One that says don't cuss and don't fight

Or let the bottle turn you into a different man

But damn if I don't do it every Friday night

Those get you into Heaven letters in red

Ain't gettin' read enough to keep me on a straight line

I'm a Jack of all trades, but man, I gotta say

That's one book I didn't write

That's one book I didn't write

That's one book I didn't write