The Cereal Cypher (A Cappella)

You know I can't get enough of that Golden Crisp

Try to take my bowl, pimp-smacked with an open fist (Uh)

Poppin' up wit' no pants, you can't ignore me

I'm smooth, daddy, puffin' wheat since the '40s

Your girl wanna cereal and chill

Stick a paw deep into the box, that's a meal (Ah, yeah)

Got the energy, keep me goin' for hours

Pour my cereal over your head, golden showers (Ah)

Look, is it good for you? I admit it's not

Bowl's so sweet, I'll put you in a diabetic shock

Sugar Bear is the illest to spit a real verse

These other dudes weird, like people who pour the milk first

There once was a ship pursued through milk

By pirates, sirens, and all their ilk

They all want a taste of Captain C

But the secret of the crunch goes down with me

Any cat can see the captaincy of Captain C is what's happening

I keep my dog at my side (Ruff)

And stacks of wheat in fine packaging

I don't rack up rings, they're rafts to me (Oh)

Send the old veteran in to wet up competitors

Staying fresher than veg is 'cause I refuse all dairy

Every vessel says they wanna send me to Heaven

So where the hell are my enemies, then?

Oops, all buried (Ayy)

Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Yuh)

Manhandle an opp (Yeah)

Way we bag 'em, get 'em packed in a box (Woo)

Reppin' Kellogs, but no cornflakes, so we crackin' one off (What?)

We been here since '33, but still a standard in shops, uh (Yeah)

Way I'm snappin' like it's poetry (Yeah)

I'ma get 'em cut out like a voucher, we can go for free (Ha, yeah)

Listen to them snap-snap-snap like it's bone disease (Yeah) (Yeah)

They could put my name up on my clothing so they know it's me (What?)

Crackle in the clouds, but I haven't died

It's mad electric, give 'em both handsPow-pow, that's a balanced breakfast (Yeah, yeah) (Wee)

We feed a nation, adults, babies, and the adolescents (Okay, okay)

No beans and bacon, wheat? Replace 'em

Crackle, crack, and egg 'em (Yeah, come on)

Sonnin' other cereal's the father, the papa

No AdBlocker could stop us when we pop up (Nah)

Shoppers gon' flock to the cockiest partners (Who?)

I got Coco beggin' to be top of the pops, bruh (Bruh)

We're not gnoblins, we're problems up in the studio (That's right)

Multi-grained, we're cutting shapes, and movin' to and fro

Wee men on top of tables, it's subbuteo (Yeah)

We don't need to sugarcoat it (Huh?), should've noticed, you've been gnomed

Hello, look out below

It's Grapefellow

The fruitiest of troops to shoot with hoops and marshmallows

The grapest aviator ever getting the kills

I hate to pull rank, but I'm a General Mills

Life is always sunny when you're

Off your rocker and in the money, feelin' that

Woo-hoo, cuckoo

Got me feelin' choco-lovely

Hey, you know no matter where I go

I give a brand-new meaning to "in love with the coco"

Hold on the lobotomy, breakin' the monotony

With munchy crunchy, don't forget the chocolate, hoo

And you can call it insane

Rollin' in so much, I make it chocolate rain

And, baby, maybe I'm a little bit of an addict

But, hey, my puffs got nothin' artificially added

I'm gonna serve you as part of a complete breakfast

Hoppin' right into it, these bars are the freshest

With all the little kids takin' what's rightfully mine

Well, I've had enough this time

'Cause I just want a bowl of fruity heaven right in front of me

So why are all these stupid little children makin' fun of me?

Takin' one bite would be my dream come true

Yet it's always out of reach, so I'm gonna kill you

Can't you all stop callin' me a silly rabbit?

'Cause I'm on my last nerve and I've about had it

I have an idea, let me eat the freakin' cereal

Just because you're human doesn't mean that I'm inferior

It's Toucan Sam, flew the coop from the UK

This toucan can root out the fruitiest bouquets (Oh, my)

My fool-proof snoot plots a route to where loops lay

You're drawin' a blank trackin' the oot-fray oops-lay (Oh, fruity)

For generations, leaving snacking fulfilled

I make waves every day when I splash in the milk

I rep whole grain, so I'm stackin' the mills

If you ever wonder why toucans have bands on their bills

I'm rocking the monopoly on tropical O's

Though the nature of the flavour, no one properly knows

Orange, lemon, cherry, well, it's probably those

But if you want to know yourself, you've got to follow your nose

*Laughter*

Don't make a sound, crawling out of your favorite holiday

With a bite to fear, I reappear, how 'bout a monster for breakfast today?

Of all the scary cereals, I simply am the best

Don't care what FrankenBerry said about it

My double chocolatey flavor outshines the rest

I should be year-round, but they won't allow it

To make the most of all this

Got my pals, some less than honest

Halloween, it calls upon us

I'll be back, yes, that's a promise

We're Quisp and Quake

Every nibble you take

Will leave you wishin' for space

Or simply give you the shakes

I'm the winner for taste

Or so my adversary claims

Don't tell 'em that our recipe's exactly the same

King Vitaman, formerly King Vitamin

They made us change it when the courts couldn't find 'em

In truth, our nutritional benefits never meant a thing

But how else you gonna get to sit at breakfast with a king?

Eye of a tiger

It ain't the only Tony that's pushin' white of the finest (Hoo)

I'm corny, down to the items (Hoo)

But steady pushin' the vitamins (Yeah)

I see I got they blood-pressure risin' (What?)

It's a good thing I'm chock full of niacin (Ha)

Eat it up, it's good to see you earnin' your stripes (Woah)

These other cypher cereals is worse than burger and fries (Woah)

The GOAT has arrived, and either you believe it or lied (Yeah)

I'm top three and two and three are beside me (Yeah), I'm great (I'm great)

Sayin', "Cheerio" to all cerealians (Yeah)

They Froot Loops if they thinkin' those collectives gonna bury us

Bee to a Siberian, a bit hilarious

I put you in a body bag, AK you generic bitch

Professor Weeto re-presents my lovely chocolate hoops

And a memorable jingle, impossibly produced

In a lab filled with sugar and choccy cow juice

I'm down at the bottom, but was once brand new

In the '90s I was nice, easily the best

There's a prize in every box, a dinosaur, a magic set

I used to have the lot, but I'm lost just like my hair is

And I'm aware that my glare through the box would often scare kids

Careless, but loveable, chocolate milk chuggable

Gosh, I miss that box, the '90s were so wonderful

But I'll make it out the lab, come back over drum tracks

Never mind a grudge match, I've come to bring the fun back

Uhm, when they see Coco, know it's already done (Huh?)

I be talkin' all my talk and they be holdin' their tongue (Huh?)

'Cause they know Coco Pops and milk make a bowl full of fun (Woo)

So best believe when Coco pops, that mean he goin' off (Uh-huh)

Everyone call Coco "pops" because he sonnin' y'all (Uh-huh)

You ain't crafty for thinking you can come at me

So the only crocs that I wan' see? The ones I'm steppin' on (Bam)

I ain't H&M (Hoo)

Still the coolest monkey in the jungle, tell a friend, huh

Never been a bored ape, but my cereal sales could get a yacht

And a club without any NFTs involved, wassup

Good gracious, friends, this is really quite a schism (Oh, no)

The Quakers suggests we all practice some quietism (I concur)

Part of a balanced breakfast, well, rhyming isn't

Though I recommend you consult a dietician

I did it for the cookie, no limp biscuit

Been that misfit, one that your parents can get with

Yeah, C-O-O-K-I-E, now let me spell it out

Your mama even likes me, been the sweetest thing inside her mouth (Sheesh)

Woof-woof, they lettin' the wolf loose

That doggy that came before me, we gave him the deuce-deuce

And who knew (Huh?), people accepted the new dude?

I've always been on the rise like takin' a Blue Chew (Ha)

Chip be stackin' chips, call that General Mills

And when the chips are stacked against me, bet I'll get 'em all still

'Cause if you wishin' that I'll fumble, you best believe you'll get humbled

And all I'll say for rebuttal, that's the way the cookie crumbles (Awoo)

There'll always after me Lucky Charms

Get your mitts on me marbits? Askin' to come to harm

It's a sham, rockin' up, try to nab a few spoons

Only gettin' peace and quiet once in every blue moon

When you're tasked with playing guardian to the magically delicious

From the pilferers and purloiners, so fanatically pernicious (No)

Well, you'd have to be a wizard, kids are manic, and they're vicious

It's exasperating, frankly, sick of grantin' all your wishes

Sick of jiggy in the middle with you huntin' me stuff

Always playin' second fiddle, kiddies runnin' amok

See me charms be devoured? Well, it's gonna be tough

I got marshmallow power, double me luck

Cock-a-doodle-doo, motherclucker, what are you gonna do?

I'm the rudest of roosters, unruly but rulin' the roost

This is more than a mornin' wake-up call

It's a warnin', I'm warmin' up when I straight up squawk in your space

Peckin' your retinas, wreckin' and rippin' your face off, mauled

So you'll have to take off more than a couple days off school

My opps are like hunger, I stave off all

Stay flavourful, even when I flay the fool

Ain't that "ooh", even the milk in the fridge struggles to stay that cool

Who are these corny idiots movin' to Cornelius?

Dude, I've seen what you're doin', it's all tedious

Why so serious? I'm the nicest cereal

Son, I find it surreal, seein' you tryna deal wit' it

And you cannot deny the fact I killed with this whole verse

You're probably the type to put the milk in the bowl first

I move product all day, you tryna do cold turkey

You soggy cornflake, I'm flippin' this whole birdie

So like I said at the top, cock-a-doodle-doo

You got boxed in the head by the head on the box, so toodle-oo