Yours

I hold my breath on nights like this.

I miss my brother walking through the kitchen door.

I feel survivor’s guilt, I wish—

(I really fucking hate myself)*

Wish it was me instead of you.

And I—

Carried the world on my shoulders since I was 17,

Beared the weight of the trauma until it buried me.

And just for a moment—

When he holds me,

Right where I come apart like he knows me,

Dancing in the dark, it’s unholy (holy).

And I—

I wanna know you.

Let me take off your shirt and unfold you,

Show me where it hurts.

I told you,

(I told you, I told you, I told you).

That I am yours,

That I—

I'm just a boy, so young and naïve,

With a hole in his chest left by Dad when he loaded the gun,

Put it straight to his head,

Pulled the trigger in front of my mother.

And ever since that summer,

A violent storm began to rage

Inside of me,

Inside of me.

And I—

Carried the shame of my father and all he could have been,

Beared the pain of my mother and every broken dream.

And just for a moment—

When he holds me,

Right where I come apart like he knows me,

Dancing in the dark, it’s unholy (holy).

And I—

I wanna know you.

Let me take off your shirt and unfold you,

Show me where it hurts.

I told you,

(I told you, I told you, I told you).

That I am yours,

That I am yours.