Gay Old Life (feat. Megan Mullally) [Radio Edit]

Ha, I'm gay

What the fuck, Dad, you're gay?

Well, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm

But yes, Craig, I'm gay

Queer as a three-dollar bill and just as stale

I wake up, drink my coffee, have brunch around 11

Walk my Bichon Frisé, then nap 'til half past seven

A night out at the Symphony, such elegance, what poise

Or maybe I'll just stay at home with my two sewer boys

The answer is perfectly clear

It's a gay old life, being queer

There's nothing dangerous about vacationing in Spain

That is, until you've thrown half of your savings down the drain

But money should be spent on things both lovely and refined

The sewer boys drink blood for fun and also read my mind

Don't get in a tizzy, my dear

It's a gay old life, being queer

Many decades ago, I was down in the sewer

Why?

Shh, Daddy's singing

Rowing my boat through the slime and manure

How did you get a boat into the sewer?

You wanna hear the story or not?

Collecting adventures and treasures galore

But I couldn't guess, what fate had in store

I rounded a bend, and what did I see?

Two creatures so bloody, so foul, so carefree

They were taking a bath in the corpse of a swine

And that's when I knew, they had to be mine

I tried to entice them, but they were too quick

Tried to rip out my trachea, bite off my dick

With a club, I subdued them and made to depart

And I stole the two creatures who'd stolen my heart (Jesus!)

My boy, there's no reason to jeer

It's a gay old life, being queer

I bathe in bleach (they're skiing up in Aspen)

I play the horn (and sailing off West Palm)

One time I died (the snow is fine as powder)

I suck on corn (the waves are always calm)

I poison fruit (but no matter where I am)

I kissed a chair (there is no way I can resist)

I juggle for exercise, never use alphabet (the urge to climb below the street

And a tornado's my friend (and smell that stinky mist)

The answer is perfectly clear

It's a gay old life, being queer

I have no pussy