Cemetery Polka

Uncle Vernon

Uncle Vernon

Independent as a hog on ice

He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse

He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss

Uncle Biltmore and Uncle William

Made a million during World War II

But they're tightwads

And they're cheapskates

And they'll never give a dime to you

Auntie Mame has gone insane

She lives in the doorway of an old hotel

And the radio's playing opera

All she ever says is go to Hell

Uncle Violet flew as a pilot

And there ain't no pretty girls in France

Now he runs a tidy little bookie joint they say

He never keeps it in his pants

Uncle Bill

Will never leave a will

And the tumour is as big as an egg

He has a mistress, she's Puerto Rican

And I heard she has a wooden leg

Uncle Phil

Can't live without his pills

He has emphysema and he's almost blind

And we must find out where the money is

Get it now before he loses his mind

Uncle Vernon

Uncle Vernon

Independent as a hog on ice

He's a big shot down there at the slaughterhouse

He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss