Kojak Columbo

Well, it's a little late for Christmas, but have one anyway

And while I'm on the subject, baby, have a happy birthday

How's your father? How's your mom?

Don't it make you itch a little, when you know they've got the bomb?

Boy, it's been weird out here lately, but I guess that's OK too

'Cause television is here to save us and tell us what to do

Kojak, Kojak, Kojak, Columbo

Sell me an old one, sell me some gumbo

Tell me a new one, at least once a night

Show me an old one, but don't turn out your love light

You've got nineteen inches, baby, and that's a real good size

I could lie there on the floor and just look at you all night long

I could just twist your knobs right off and fool around with you

I don't need no TV guide to tell me what to do

Kojak, Kojak, Kojak, Columbo

Sell me an old one, sell me some gumbo

Tell me a new one, at least once a night

Tell me an old one, but save out your love light

Ah, and when I get too old, too old to rock and roll

I'll sit in my unrockin' chair, babe, and use my remote control

Kojak, Kojak, Kojak, Columbo

Sell me an old one, sell me some gumbo

Tell me a new one, at least once a night

Show me an old one but don't turn out your love light

You've got nineteen inches, baby, that's a real good size

I'd like to poke my eyes inside you, baby, and just look around

I love your cute little rabbit ears, I love your cable and your box

And when I turn out the light at night, baby, I hope that light never stops

Your love light, Kojak